i (heart) NY

I need to be in NYC next year. The more i think about it, the more excited i get, and the more i want to be there. i see something, i want it. i want it, i'll get it. I've now seen myself in new york, and i want it. I'ma do anything and everything i can to put myself there. I think it's time to be selfish and do exactly what i want. is it bad to not think of anyone else with my decision to be there? i don't think so. I'm not letting anyone depend on me. This is my hope, my dream, and soon my reality. I crave the New York lifestyle. Right now i want that more than anything else in my life.

Everybody ought to have a 'lower east side' in their life. i want mine. i will get back there.

the great robino

today was robi's 25th birthday. the first birthday i've had to go through since he moved to heaven. the whole day has been rough. I've been wearing my shirt very similar to the one that he wore all the time. i had it made. it's a yellow shirt with purple cursive font that says "ROBISON" across it. i love it. i started the day off by going to the temple. just really wanted to feel close to him, and felt that was a good place to be. And it was. to be honest, i don't know that i was ready for it. I'm not much of a cryer, but i've cried a shiz ton this past year over robi. There's constant hourly reminders even to this day that bring a joyous curved smile to my lips, while also bringing a bit of a glistening tear to my eye. there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about you robi. not even a few hours pass that you don't cross my mind. it was great to celebrate robi's birthday tonight by getting 37 of us and going to winger's. Its something we've done dozens of times with robi, ordering the all you can eat wings. this has been the hardest year of my life, and it still hasn't even been a full year. one thing i do love is how open this entire group of friends is. we talk about robi as though he's just on vacation, and we can call him up anytime. that's really what it feels like. he isn't gone for good. i can just give him a call anytime, right? and when i pull out my phone to call or text him, i'm quickly reminded that we don't have the same cell phone provider, and God uses a different kind of antenna system, so i can't talk to Robi. I'm constantly wishing i could fast forward my life so i can get to Robi sooner, and have him take me around heaven, showing me all the ins and outs of that place and teaching me what to do and where to go.
Someday, someday i'll be there. Someday our adventures will continue. Someday we can create the shiz out of worlds together and laugh the whole time doing so.
I love you Robison Sundell, and all you've taught me. All you've given me, and for being one of the greatest blessings to my life. you always have been, and continue to do so. You give me greater reason for doing what's right, now. One love buddy. Always thinking of you.

pelican

a wonderous bird is a pelican,
can hold more food in his beak than his belly can.
got enough food in his beak
to last him a week.
and i just don't know how the hell he can.

Mt. Timpanogos

I consider myself an avid hiker. i've done lots of it growing up. a few years i started a new tradition, with my roommate devin, of hiking mt. timpanogos. it's now been done the same weekend, 3 years in a row. my first time was my most vivid, and want to put up the memoirs about it right after we got done. later, i'll also include this years journey. it keeps getting better every year. that's what draws me back time and time again.

Mt. Timpanogos 2008

here's just a few samples of our 15 hour adventure on Mount
Timpanogos. We launched at the Aspen trail head Friday night at 7:30
pm and enjoyed the beautiful scenery as we pushed ourselves pretty
hard through the first few miles. It soon got dark and we fell
victims of the moon, it actually lit things up quite well. Little did
we know how extremely impatient we would become for the
sunrise...anyway we continued our climb up the 22 switchbacks that
brought us up and over one mountainside and into the upper timp basin
where the trail flattened off a little ways until we reached the base
of the ginormous timp ridge. It was at this point that we began to
worry about how our night was going to turn out. We were experiencing
cold 40+ mph winds and did Not anticipate that kind of weather. we didn't bring clothes that would help us survive the night, and we were quickly becoming quite nervous. It was 11:30 pm and it became clear that we needed to start seriously scouting a place to sleep for a few hours. We knew we would be getting back up at around 4:00 to make the 2 hour climb up to the summit and really wanted to give our legs a break and our eyes a rest. We continued up the trail thinking we'd eventually run across a nice place free of rock, but we never did find a flat, smooth place to spend some of the night. Devin wasn't going to take another step further
until we had secured a place when I shouted down at him that i
thought i had found something. We saw an old shelter that had been
built in 1959 out of rock and cement, it had gaps and holes in it but
we didn't care, we were happy to have found something that for the most
part shielded us from the winds. We went inside and eventually went
to sleep. It was a sleepless night for both of us, I dozed several
times but only for 10-15 minutes before I would wake up to wind gusts
and devin moving around trying to find a comfortable position. Our
sleeping bags worked pretty good at keeping the cold out, except for
the ice-cold concrete floor we were sleeping directly on. We were
moving around a lot, we'd begin a conversation...and finish it 10 min
later, then continue it 15 min later with chattering teeth, goosebumped skin and so on. 4:00 am finally crept around and we were anxious to get out of there and start hiking so we could warm up a bit. Walking out of that cold barren shelter with no rest and noticing no moon to guide our steps was a dreadful
experience. We had a small flashlight for the two of us to share as
we were about to start hiking in very dangerous territory - cliffs,
unstable shale and rock, and spring runoff that would occasionally
deceive us and cause us to deviate off course (the runoff would
resemble a trail and we would mistakenly follow the wrong path at
times). We put all of the clothing on we possibly could (some flannel pajama bottoms and a sweater i found on the trail) and headed up to the top of timp ridge. With freezing cold hands - one occupying a dinky flashlight and the other wiping vomit off of my sleeve. I grit my teeth as I looked at the top of the ridge and told myself I was gonna give this my all and if I didn't make it then so be it. at that point it was so cold, i didn't care.
Thankfully devin had me (he began calling me samwise) who helped keep our
spirits alive knowing that his discomfort and dwindling hope was shared
and known by me. We pushed along until we finally reached the top of
Timp ridge, where we finished what water we had left, but couldn't
stay long because we were sweaty and needed to stay warm - still about
a mile short and 500 feet down from the very tip top. We began hiking
across the ridge toward the summit when the trail went up and over the
west side of the top of the ridge, and that revealed one of the most
beautiful sights I had ever seen. We stopped and gazed over the Utah
valley, from Nephi to South Salt Lake, saw all of the lights as if we
were looking from an airliner, turned to each other and gave big jubilant high fives. We were finally getting close to the summit! The trail got
obscure and we ended up taking the wrong way, had to backtrack a bit
(in the mean time trying to still beat the sunrise) but thankfully
another hiker showed us the way up to the summit where we watched the
sun come up and wash our fears away. We sat up on top inside the
small shelter and enjoyed about 30 minutes of pure satisfaction and
contentment. The sun warmed our noses and ears and really brightened
our spirits. We were happy as clowns going back down and across the
ridge knowing that we had made it to the top, having conquered some of
the most unfavorable circumstances that the month of August could
throw at us (if it had rained or something I don't think we would have
made it). We sped-walked the whole way down, visiting from time to
time with people hiking up to the waterfalls and other scenic
locations along the trail, we did some stopping of our own at
waterfalls and overlooks where we took some nice pictures. the overall experience was scary enough to keep us fascinated, and enjoyable enough to make us want to do it again. 

Long live the annual timp hike!!

patience has no...............end

i've never been the kind to sit around and wait. if i want something i'll go out and get it. if i'm going to do something i'll go do it. i don't wait around. i'm horrible at waiting for people to come to my level and join me. i'm a people person, but i'm also independent enough that i don't need people around me to have fun. though i'm learning more and more that i do need people. i need people to help me progress. and that's what i'm not being patient with. i can't force or rush someone to be where i am. i'm understanding that i've just got lots more life experience than people around me, and i need to be patient with everything around me. 

Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting, that's laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow...that is patience.

the motivation

one of my favorite movies is pixar's UP. the adventure book in there has always stood out to me as something way cool. and i've wanted to get something like that going, but never have. this blog is my adventure book. i've got lots of pages to fill...

beginning of living

I've never blogged before. For years i've always been under the impression that blogs are for married people only, and that the wife does it. judge me how you will, but look at every blog you can find and i'm guessing most are of married couples, and it's run by the wife. that's just fine. but that's my reasoning for not blogging. i'm getting started though. i love the life i have, and i live what i love. i'm going to start documenting these stories, and hopefully they'll be entertaining to you, and memorable for me.